5 HABITS OF HAPPY COUPLES
We have been given an amazing gift in habits; all a habit is “anything you do twice get easier” They say you can break or develop a habit good or bad with 21 days of consistently doing it.
Successful couples have developed positive habits in their relationship, mostly of which they have developed over the years and do habitually which means they do not think about it consciously they do it in an unconscious manner, which brings an enforcement of love and wellbeing into the relationship.
Habit number 1.
They give at least 20 non sexual touches a day, did you know, that the absence of regular touch can have an effect on one’s emotions, scientists are now saying that a hug from someone can have a positive effect on your health.
Hugging and handholding, rubbing feet, (which constitute as non sexual touch) can reduce stress, and slow the heart rate down.
Women respond extremely well to non sexual touching.
Gentlemen a little secret here, if you want your wife to be responsive to more sex why not try giving her at least 20 non sexual touches a day, this will count towards foreplay for a women, foreplay begins when she wakes up! Foreplay is giving her breakfast in bed. Foreplay is texting her during the day telling her you cant wait to get home and see her, foreplay is bringing home the dinner and telling her she doesn’t have to cook, foreplay is putting the kids to bed for her, foreplay is holding her hand while your watching TV, guys if you do these things, you will be the one saying not tonight honey!
Habit number 2. Date night
Remember when you were dating, you couldn’t wait to see each other and spend quality time together, well what happened why did it all stop. Successful couples know that spending time together is a vital part of having a great relationship. Spending time together is what created closeness in the first place.
Do things you both love to do, one of you chooses what to do one week and then the other one chooses what to do the following week, and you can even make it a surprise, which creates a bit of more excitement.
The more time couples spend apart, the more they will want to spend time apart, it is a law, the more effort you put into something the more you will get back, start having fun with each other once a week and you will reap great rewards from this one activity.
Habit number 3. Eye contact
When you look into someone’s eyes, there is a connection made that cannot be made just by talking alone.
Eye contact is an important aspect of building, sustaining and developing healthy intimate relationships
They say that the eyes are the windows of the soul and so they are, you can look into your lover’s eyes and something amazing happens, you really feel that you are connecting with them.
One of the worst things a person can do when you are trying to talk to them is they have wandering eyes, they look all around, they are distracted by other things, there really is nothing so off putting than trying to have a serious conversation with someone who is not interested in what your saying, and no eye contact is a real give away.
So look into the yes of your spouse when they are talking with you it makes them feel important it makes them feel that you care it makes them feel loved think about the time when you fancied each other, it was those times when your eyes met, you felt something, the eyes still hold that power !
Habit number 4. Talk time
We all know on a basic friendship level that if we stop talking to our friends eventually we lose touch and this inevitably ends in a friendship break.
So how important is communication in a marriage?
Well communication is to marriage what water is to plants.
When you were dating you spoke about everything, you got to know each other and fall in love because of communication, you fell in love with the deeper person the person of the soul, and you did this through talking.
You built a friendship, then that friendship led to a close relationship which then led to love.
Great marriages are built on friendship. couples who have a strong friendship will always feel close to one another, and they do this by communicating their thoughts and intimate feelings and desires, they keep there spouse informed they have a deep need to always let them into there heart, they don’t put a wall up, there is always openness and honesty.
Sometimes communication will be on a basic level, how was your day, etc, this is normal we all have busy lives and jobs and kids, and sometimes it is not realistic to spend 2 hours on the sofa talking of deep issues, but at least once a week there has to be a deeper level of communication going on, this could happen on your date night.
At least your spouse knows that they will have an opportunity to have your undivided attention, and they will look forward to that time where they will be able to share with you.
Habit number 5. They are quick to say I’m sorry.
The reason marriages last 20, 25.30, 35 years is because of two words “I’m sorry”
Do you honestly think 2 people can live together for decades and never have a disagreement?
Of course they have disagreements, of course they have arguments of course they quarrel, if its not about kids its about money, if its not about money its about sex if its not about sex its about work, there are more than enough issues in life to have differences of opinion over, so what do successful couples do, they give in to one another, they don’t hold grudges, they resolve conflict quickly, they put pride and egos to the side and realise that there relationship is more important than who is right.
Conflict is not the issue; the issue is how we resolve them.
Successful couples learn to pick their battles, what I mean by this, is:
There are something’s you can let go off easier than others, so if it really is not a big deal to you then don’t stand you ground and fight till the end, let it go, you will need that for something that you feel very strongly for.
A soft reply and gentle words can turn the most aggressive situation into a clam situation, and for someone who learns the art of apology it will be one of the most crucial elements of marriage harmony, you are not being a doormat you are being wise, you are being one who knows what matters and what doesn’t you are putting your spouse first, you are being the bigger person you are showing love, and you will reap the benefits of this greatly.
5 SIGNS YOU ARE GOING UNDER FINANCIALLY.
We are living in times of great financial uncertainty, more and more families are losing their homes and jobs and this financial pressure is putting great stress on marriages and businesses.
If we can recognise some signs of financial danger then maybe we can put up some roadblocks before we end up in the ditch.
If someone had told me some of the things I am about to tell you then maybe I could have avoided some of the pitfalls I experienced years ago.
So here goes…..
Sign number one….
Your outgoings exceed your income.
Recognise that as soon as your outgoings are exceeding your income, you have to do something about it. Ignoring or putting your head in the sand is only going to lengthen the pain and make things worse. If you are in a job where you are paid on a commission basis only, and it doesn’t seem to be working out for you, don’t delay get a job where you can have a regular income, and maybe you can work part time with the commission only job. regular monthly income is the first key to being able to budget and get organised financially, if you have a monthly salary coming into your bank account every month then maybe you need to for a season get another part time job to get you on an even keel, nobody says financial freedom came easy, you need to start to budget and find ways to decrease some of your outgoings (see my chapter on how to budget)
Sign number two.
You stop paying your mortgage.
If there is one piece of advice I wish someone gave me years ago it would be, don’t stop paying your mortgage, of all the debts you need to pay, don’t choose NOT to pay your mortgage. Speak to your lender communicate the problems you are experiencing don’t put your head in the sand, confront this one head on, your lender should always be in the position to help you and negotiate something with you, until you get back on your feet, it may be cut your monthly payments or go on interest only or give you a payment holiday for six months if you have made enough payments in the past, there are always options, the worst is doing nothing.
Sign number three.
You are living off your credit cards.
When you start needing your credit cards to pay your monthly bills and pay your grocery bills and electricity you are in a very dangerous position financially.
If it is because you have lost your job, then put pride to the side and work anyplace at anytime, don’t be one of those people who wait and wait for a position to open up in the field that they are qualified in, optimism is great, but in the meantime between losing your job and finding another one that you want work somewhere doing something or you will find the days roll into weeks and the weeks into months and you find your credit cards have financed your current standard of living instead of your salary. If it is because of reason 1, then you have to rearrange your outgoings reduce them or get another job for a season or a new job that will pay the bills.
Sign number four.
You are taking out loans to pay of existing debt.
This is like putting a bandage on a broken leg.
Debt consolidation might work in some cases but it does not deal with the root of the problem, it deals with today but not with tomorrow, if things do not change then you will start using credit cards again, and the problems start all over again.
Sign number five.
You pay excessive bank charges frequently.
This is probably one of the first signs that things are not going well financially, excessive bank charges occur when we don’t keep a good record of what’s going out of our bank account, or we take it out anyway and pay the consequences later but the consequences are huge interest charges, if we sit down with our bank manager and agree an overdraft facility then the charges will be minimum.